Wednesday, 1 October 2014

Essay Draft One


Thesis

The economic burden in Singapore resulted from the deficient internet access among the elderly could be reduced if the elderly understand the benefits of internet access and overcome their resistance attitude toward it.

Introduction

Singapore is one of the top countries in the world that has outstanding Information Communication Technology (ICT) infrastructure (World Economic Forum, 2014). Despite the advances in electronic communication and benefits of internet, utilization among the elderly is relatively low. According to the figures provided by Infocomm Development Authority of Singapore (IDA, 2014), only 16% of the elderly aged 60 years and above have used internet in the past 12 months compared to 98% of the individuals aged 7 to 14 years. This statistic reflects a digital divide in Singapore between the younger and older generations.

Problem

The older generations are not born in digital era and so they do not have experience with the use of ICT. As such, the elderlies do not understand the benefits of accessing to internet and often feel that this modern creation is for the younger generation. Due to the lack of IT knowledge, the elderly people are unconfident and afraid to engage themselves in ICT. One frequently studied area of impact focuses on the effects of Internet use on mental well-being. A study conducted by Michigan State University shows that internet use among the elderly can reduce the chance of becoming depressed by more than 30 per cent. Depression is a significant health and economic concern.

Solution

The first major approach to get the elderly engage in internet is to convince them that ICT can be relevant to them if they want it to be. The community organization should launch programs to promote the benefits of internet access to the elderly. The next step is to set up workshops (free-of-charge) in the community centres to teach the elderly how to use computer and access to internet. The interfaces and input and output devices should be modified to make the use of computers less troublesome for elderly people. The entire learning process should be enjoyable for the elderly by enhancing their personal interests and recreational activities through the access to internet (e.g. playing online chess with people around the world, watching Korean drama on Youtube.

Conclusion

The increasing usage of ICT among the elderly would be beneficial to the society. The depression rate in elderly will be considerably reduced and economic costs will be reduced as a result. Moreover, elderly people have a vast amount of knowledge and experience in life and thus they are able to share valuable information to the online community.
 
 

1 comment:

  1. hi

    we feel that these are the problems in your draft
    1) you talk about economic burden but we do not know exactly how this economic burden(the problem) come about. so you can probably talk about that
    2) you can also give examples and support to substantiate the economical problem you are talking about
    3) for your thesis statement, the solution you are going to talk about in your essay should be included in it as well
    4) the organization that can implement your solutions should also be included in the thesis
    5) what you are mentioning in your solution are not answering to your problems caused by the digital divide (that is depression and economic burden)
    6)no examples or statistics or opinions to support your solutions.
    7) evaluation of solution is lacking
    8) the essay is not really flowing well( maybe because you have not finished the essay?)
    9) cited sources are relevant and effective but you should add in more.
    10) end of text citation is lacking
    11) for in text citation: A study conducted by Michigan State University shows that internet use among the elderly can reduce the chance of becoming depressed by more than 30 per ....(you are lacking the year)

    Language problem
    12) there is no plural form for elderly- can just use elderly not elderlies
    13) the word internet should be accompanied with "the"

    the main thing you are lacking now is the cohesion between paragraph and how the digital divide have affected the economy.

    shuning and albert

    ReplyDelete